√ November will become Indigenous Peoples History Month. The title of Thanksgiving will be phased out as federally proposed reparations of returning once-held, stolen tribal land begins.

√ To honor the significant contribution made by Chinese immigrants to the U.S., the month of May will be dedicated to them. Their labor built the railroads among other contributions. Once completed, however, they were deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882.

√ Academy Award winners Sean Penn and Ukraine President Zelensky have been signed by Penn to co-star in “Their Blood, Our Bullets.”

√ Reading any feature story in The New Yorker or Harper’s Magazine has been approved for insomnia sufferers by the ASL (the Academy of Sleep Labs). The number of big, little-known words loved by elites was a deciding factor.

√ Several states are closing in on implementing ranked-choice voting for the 2024 elections. They will also test None of the Above as a secondary choice.

√ The New York Times, after a company-wide soul search, will give back its Pulitzer Prize for its Russia Gate coverage due to journalistic malpractice.

√ President Biden honored journalist Seymour Hersh with the Medal of Freedom award at the White House. “What we need are more journalists like you,” Biden said. The award was based on Hersh’s ability to uncover corruption at the highest levels, including his recent article on the source of the bombing of the Nordstream 2 pipeline.

√ Due to the current critical shortage of physicians (117,000 have left the workforce), the U.S. has lifted the decades-long embargo against Cuba and is hiring thousands of their physicians to fill in the gap.

√ Since “Oh beautiful, for spacious skies…” has been ruined with crowding and the ongoing shooting down of balloons, Leonard Cohen’s “Democracy is Coming to the U.S.A.” has been nominated as a replacement. Of particular note are the lines: “Sail on, sail on, O mighty ship of state! To the shores of need, past the reefs of greed, through the squalls of hate, Sail on, sail on, sail on.”

April Fool!  – But don’t you kinda wish some of these were true?

Photo credits: April flowers – matias-tapia, Chinese deportation – national archives, Native Americans – Boston Public Library Collection, Ballot – Joshua woroniecki, Seymour Hersh – from his website, Leonard – from an album cover and tribute.