I don’t know about you but I’m alarmed at how divided the US has become. I never believed in the melting pot myth. It was something we liked to tell ourselves about who we were as a nation – undivided. But now, we’re almost down to two tents lobbing insults, threats, disregard, and actual hate back and forth across an overcrowded campground of print, TV shows, and social media. Maybe your tent is located in the NYT or WaPo section. Or your section wouldn’t use either paper to line a birdcage. Or you’re a foot soldier in the lucrative media wars of Fox vs. MSNBC and CNN. Or you turn to Twitter and Facebook. I won’t list all of the “my way or the highway” positions we’ve been herded into. What we’re doing to each other in the name of “our” truth is shocking.
And now, conflicting opinions and information are being used to silence or cancel each other, and have quietly replaced the First Amendment—our democratic pillar of free speech. We used to hold it sacred. Now what we can say publicly in almost any forum is being decided by the government currently in power, mega-corporations, print/social media, and these 3 guys. The more the conflict, the bigger their profits.
It’s hard to remember when we agreed on anything. We’ve been encouraged to feel superior to “those other campers.” According to Jonathan Darrow, a bioethics assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, “Private media platforms are the new public square, not beholden to First Amendment obligations yet taking on a government-like censorship function.” He offers that censorship is communicable (like a disease) and has the potential to tip the scales of public judgment one way or the other. This can lead to a downward spiral of intolerance in which minority views are increasingly suppressed.
Three Ways To Fold Up Your Tent
I owe a lot to my friend *Molly McCormick, a personal coach, who at just the right time alerted me to a program she offers. It’s called Positive Intelligence and has personally made all the difference. You can find out more about it at https://www.positiveintelligence.com/
Through the program and with Molly’s guidance, I was able to address the various forms of judgements I make about myself, people, and situations. And now I have something better. I am learning how to create more empathy for myself and my flawed-fellow human beings (aren’t we all) in a dark time I wasn’t prepared for.
The program is a synthesis of the latest breakthroughs in neuroscience, cognitive and positive psychology, and performance science. And the basis of Shirzad Chamine’s New York Times bestselling book Positive Intelligence, Stanford lectures, and the online program PQ. One of my favorite new tools, supported with research data, is this:
No one can be 100% wrong. They are at least 10% right.
And it’s up to us to find out what their 10% is and facilitate a conversation and/or acknowledgment. The Venn diagram illustrates this hopeful concept. That 10% is in there somewhere. We just have to find it.
Here’s another suggestion that might help keep a friendship or family relationship from disintegrating – step into someone else’s shoes. You never know what their life is like or what challenges they face. Empathy can only heal, not hurt.
Photo credit Jeshoots.com
And about those tents. Maybe the third solution is to sew them together and make one big tent. More room for everyone since we’re all in this world together. According to former Congressman Luis Gutierrez,
“In the end, the bigger the tent we build, the more successful we’ll be.”
*A note about Molly McCormick. Here is how you can find out more about the amazing PQ program from a skilled personal coach. https://mollymccormick.org
I certainly agree that we need to build bridges and talk with people whose ideas we don’t accept. Most people are decent human beings, and I believe that many who express hatreds have been misled as to the facts of the matters on which we are so bitterly divided.
But I also believe that freedom of speech is not absolute. Using speech to incite violence is dubious as an exercise of that freedom, in my estimation. As is spreading lies that endanger people’s lives. After all, even spreading damaging lies about a person is an offense that can bring you to court: it’s called libel.
As always, my thanks for the replies to this blog post.
I wish President Biden were a subscriber to this post in particular and my 10% request. Here’s a quote from a recent Matt Taibbi post on TK that express my feelings (and dismay since he’s talking about 80 million American citizens not the Taliban). “It was impossible to mistake the tone of Joe Biden’s announcement of a vaccine mandate last week. It was an angry speech . . . even conveyed a sense of barely contained rage. . .The arrival of Covid-19 has exacerbated a troubling divide that’s been growing in America for decades.”
Read Taibbi’s entire post at https://taibbi.substack.com
Yes, Barbara. Empathy unveils much and leads to happier living and more peaceful sleep. I always look forward to your blog wisdom.
Thanks, Catherine. I always welcome your thoughts and support.
A friend recently returned from RAGBRAI, an annual week-long bike ride across the state of Iowa that draws 10,000 to 15,000 participants very year. I plugged him with all kinds of questions which he dutifully answered. He happened to mention that “… there were a lot of Trump signs, a lot of Trump supporters.” As I started to roll my eyes, he followed with, “…but they are some of the nicest people — they’ll do anything for you.”
This was a good reminder for me: instead of leading with our obvious differences, I need to remember our shared humanity.
Hi Pete,
Always great to see what you have to say – wish it were in-person but those were good days across the aisle. Thanks for sharing your experience of noting once again how humanity comes in a wonderful variety pack.
Pete, that was my experience too on a road trip as a first-time RVer. Those folks were the first to run to our rescue as we blundered along. Recognizing this just makes me sadder–because we know that these very folks can also be whipped into a fury of violence by their master manipulators who seek power. Knowing that “Trumpers” have basic human kindness in them makes it all the more heartbreaking to me.